Everywhere, Nowhere, Somewhere
by Greece
Summary: It was one of the many proofs that were bestowed upon her that history repeats itself, that the world is spinning in recycling circles and not in a straight line. SPOILERS for the end of the manga! Hinted AxI, slight AxS.


Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing. Damn...

* * *

**EVERYWHERE, NOWHERE, SOMEWHERE**

By: Greece

* * *

**London count****ryside, Hellsing graveyard, 2067**

Even though it was still late in the afternoon, she was standing before the grave. She wouldn't wait until nightfall. The freshness of the flowers would be gone by then.

She had déjà vu. She could remember herself standing on that particular graveyard almost 70 years ago, in the same long black dress, with the same sorrowful expression plastered on her face. And she could recall the same chill the strong wind had had brought upon her, the same game of the sunlight and the clouds, the quiet, gentle rain and the dim, but still somehow very bright rays that sliced through and reached the bell tower of the mansion.

It was one of the many proofs that were bestowed upon her that history repeats itself, that the world is spinning in recycling circles and not in a straight line.

And that she was doomed to be the audience in that cycle.

She wanted to weep and she always failed in hiding her true feelings. Thus, she wept. And this was the situation in which **he** found her.

He didn't want to be there in the first place. He had decided that the Countess would fade away since her stroke, ten years ago. It had happened at the beginning of a Round Table gathering, completely out of the blue. He could remembered her wrinkled face during frowning for the billionth time at him and his never-ending teasing on how she should just let him drink her blood and all her complaints about the depth of her wrinkles and her constant tiredness would fade away. He could remember also _her_ being there, giggling at their master's irritation.

He could remember her turning around to enter the room, still boiling and fuming. He could remember her freezing momentarily and falling uncontrollably, like a puppet whose strings were violently cut. He could remember _her_, screaming her name and rushing to catch her before she hit the floor.

And he could remember the feeling that rushed over him. He wouldn't move a single muscle, his eyes were wide open, if he had a heartbeat and a need for breathing, both would cease… but that feeling was… revelation.

And this was still galling him.

She was a human. He had known that this day would come. The day when his master's body functions would start to cease one by one, giving the premonition that the Reaper had started rising from his black hole to reach her. And reach her he would. He knew it. He knew it! But, still… he had expected from himself to fell even sadder, even more lost than the day he had said the final goodbye to the ancient man that her great-grandfather was. He had been devastated at that time, for he had seen that the man, who had defeated him, was simply a human. It was the ultimate demystification of that night. No, of that daybreak. Of that dawn.

Humans die earlier than the vampires, unless they were in an open war. Then, the strength of one's spirit was the catalyst that decides the dead from the living. They were in a state of fragile peace. It was really that simple.

And yet… he hadn't felt like that time. He was wondering now, had he become so attached to the obscure world and so detached from this one that her death hadn't had that of a strong effect on him? Or maybe it was something else? He was sad not to see her wrinkled, yet still beautiful face again. He already missed her spirit of pride and duty. But, he realized, he could also go on without them. Why? Because, since the day he had returned from his inner massacre 37 years ago, he had decided that she was already leaving? After all, this was the reason why he had gone straight to her after he managed to recognize himself. Time was precious for humans, especially for old humans. He had decided that he would give her his company for her remaining years, always by her side, following her orders, until she dies.

Now she's dead. And maybe, it was better this way. The stroke had left the half of her face and body paralyzed. She was moving in a wheelchair, her speech was affected and not only because the muscles of her face were unable to move. Death was a relief. She wouldn't need the help of a nurse to do something anymore. She wouldn't need to struggle to rise up against the pitiful looks the younger ones were giving her. Pity! Towards her! Absurd! For her, the one who had stood before the enemy straight and faced him, the only thing she deserved was admiration, awe, and respect! Not pity! In his rage, he couldn't decide whom he should turn his gun to. The ones who pitied her, or her, to release her from the prison that was her body? One look from her icy blue eyes was enough: no one. She would struggle through the pitiful eyes of the world.

She had been taking this from everyone around her for the last ten years. Everyone except them. Her two faithful vampires who were sometimes driving her against the wall, other times encouraging her to go on fighting no matter what. It was a silent agreement between them; their behavior towards their master wouldn't change because of the stroke. They knew her spirit, her strength and she had answered this new war with them. Yes, she was giving her own war, a war with her own mind. A war to decide that her life had come to an end, a war to live everyday with dignity until her last moment.

Revelation and relief. These two were the feelings that were washed upon him. Revelation when the stroke hit her, because in his mind, he knew he would see her weakening one day. Relief when she died, because her war had ended. The Reaper had won, of course, but that didn't matter. The Reaper is always the winner. What was important was how she lived. People die, they rot away, and the worms eat them. Death is only ugliness. The beauty lies in how you lived and how you died. She had lived and died beautifully. As a human.

There. The reason why he wasn't as sad as he expected was before him.

However, _she_ was devastated. Despite being a vampire for more than half a century, it was the very first time she had experienced the slow death of a loved one. She had taken part to that war 67 years ago and she had experience many deaths. No, it was way before that. He knew that she was brought face to face with the sudden, violent and brutal death even earlier in her life, when she was still a human child. Yes, mortality was a well-known issue to her. Yet, the mortality she knew was the one that comes from the interference of another person. One she can see and thus, can fight against. This death was the first she faced as an inevitable one. One she couldn't prevent, no matter what. It was the first time she was experiencing her inability to age. One more characteristic of her nature that only time could reveal and not violence.

He watched her as she was weeping, not trying to console her. What for? The sooner she realized this, the sooner she would come in terms with it: not a war or any enemy, but time would take everything from her as well. And even if she could protect someone from an enemy, time could not be fought.

Her very last lesson as a vampire had come with the Countess' death. Now she was complete. Now she knew everything that there was to it. She realized that history repeats itself, that the world is spinning in recycling circles and not in a straight line. And that she was doomed to be the audience in that cycle.

So was he, though. The last war had brought him a whole new nature. As long as he could recognize himself, he existed everywhere and nowhere. As long as the only soul within his body was his, his existence would never cease. If he couldn't recognize himself, he would simply be not present anywhere. If he ever got another soul within his body through blood, the memories would be mixed, he wouldn't be able to recognize his own and he would not be present anywhere. But, he couldn't die. Death was even more far away than before, when he was a castle full of lives, souls and memories. He didn't need souls anymore. All he needed was his own soul. And a bit of soulless blood just for the appetite.

It was a paradox. The mad Major had given him a gift without anyone realizing. He was free from the curse of taking lives to preserve his own. Still, the possibility of him actually dying was too small to even bother. If someone could destroy this ability of his, even a kitchen knife would do, though. Still, he had faith in the madness this world was sowing and reaping. One day, a human… a human would kill him. Yes, he would accept only a death from a human. Besides, in the state he was in, his enemy, his nemesis, paladin Alexander Anderson was nowhere. He had promised they'd meet in Hell one time. _"No rush,"_ he had told him. Not yet. He hadn't lost all his connections with this life yet. Once all his bonds were cut, he'd be done with waiting and he would be the one searching. It was one of the reasons why he had killed three million, four hundred and twenty four thousand, eight hundred and sixty seven souls and he had returned to his girls, his good women.

The one had died, as her nature said. The other had remained, as her nature said. However, she had still that cursed need for souls. He knew that she used to have only one in all the 70 years of her vampirism and it was highly unlikely she would ever get another one, unless it was willingly offered. He was secretly proud of her for that. Her humanity was still impact from a life given for a life preserved. Blood packs were satisfying for her. Still, this wretched need was always there. His mind had come to a conclusion some time ago.

Deep in thought, he touched his chin, only to feel something on its sides. Surprised, he removed his hand and saw his fingers dyed in blood. He was crying and he hadn't realized it.

"You can go everywhere, right? You can also go to nowhere. Can't you go to where she is as well? Where is she? She has to be somewhere!"

His attention drawn to his fledgling, Alucard licked away his blood tears with his long tongue. They tasted salty and bitter together. Seras hadn't turned to him while saying this. She could see her trembling body, her shoulders jerking from time to time, he could hear her hiccups of crying, even her teeth clenching. Pain was bringing sadness and sadness was giving birth to pointless anger. How very human, she still was!

"Why should I do that? She was a human and humans die. Time is powerful and selfish. He rules over everything and he changes everything. Besides, I cannot go where she has gone," he added in a quieter tone, hints of bitterness getting in his voice.

This time she turned. Cheeks wet of crystal tears, eyes red not from bloodlust, but from crying and a face full of bitterness.

God, he hated seeing her like this.

"If you cannot go where she is… what does this mean? If you can be everywhere and nowhere and you cannot reach sir Integra… what does this mean?" Her question was full of anger and fear.

"This means that she's dead. I'm not. Are you really that afraid of death now that she's gone…Seras?" His voice obtained a gentleness that was showing itself very rarely. Having heard her name from him in this way, she relaxed just a bit.

"I know! I know… I've seen many people die… many times, but…" She was unable to continue, as sobs attacked her body and voice again.

The gentleness of his voice spread in his face for a while. It was gone as he took an unneeded breath. He really hated seeing her like this. "Do you want to see for yourself?"

"Wh—wwwgh… what…?" She couldn't even speak properly.

"I'm asking if you want to see if you can reach her," he explained in a neutral voice.

"H-how…?" Her sobs had stopped for good.

"Follow me into the obscure world, Seras Victoria. If you are scared of non-existence now, become a creature that can exist even to nowhere. Drink my blood!"

Seras' voice was stuck to her throat at the smooth, yet violent move that released his neck of his red tie revealing his bare skin to her, his main artery at her disposal. He started to walk towards her, one step heavier and louder than the previous one, or so it seemed to her. His eyes were burning red straight to her sky blue ones and there wasn't a trace of smile upon his darkly handsome visage. That was mostly scaring her. His arms were open to her, as if he was offering an embrace. And actually, he was. An embrace to go beyond the undead state to that of an existence to everywhere and nowhere.

Maybe it was from the shock. Maybe she was in awe from the view before her. Maybe he was controlling her. Or, just maybe, she wanted to follow him once again, just like that night in Cheddar, just like she answered to his call for her that night in Rio. Whatever the reason would be, once he was less than half a meter away from her, she stumbled on her feet and fell on his chest, a small whimper escaping her lips. His arms were still open.

"I cannot force you into this. The choice must be made by your own free will. So, make the choice!" The sides of his lips rose a bit in anticipation. But, they fell once he realized that she wasn't going to move or answer anytime soon. She remained silent and still for more than two minutes. And he frowned once he heard her speak, her voice muffled from his shirt.

"Why? You should know… better than anyone… that I'm not afraid of what I am anymore. So, why this? Why **now**?" She raised her head and saw him straight to his eyes. She was crying again, but this time silently, relaxed. She blinked when his frown got very deep and his left hand reached the neck of her dress. She cried when he torn the fabric, revealing her own long, slender neck. Shocked and afraid, she raised her head silently questioning his actions, too scared to raise her hand and cover her bare skin.

His voice was deep and full of mixed feelings when he spoke. "What the hell do you think these are? I didn't leave them on you for nothing," he moved his eyes from her face to the bite marks she had on the left of her neck. The symbol of their bond.

"Wha-? I-I don't understand!"

"You stupid girl! You're my family for now and forever. We're of the same blood, but not of the same kind anymore. I'm giving us a chance to be again. Tell me now, you fool, why should I've done it sooner since you haven't realized this yourself?"

He was angry with her, she knew that much. But, his words were implying something else. She hadn't thought of his obscure existence before that moment, it was true. She hadn't thought before that there were things he could do while she couldn't. She blinked, realizing that her master wanted to tell her something, but he wasn't saying it directly.

"My choice…" she whispered.

"That's right," he said forcefully, but not angrily. "I'm offering you the chance. But, I cannot choose your life for you. It still belongs to you. Now, choose!"

She winced at his yelling, but she finally understood. It had taken Integra's death, him to reap her dress and yell at her to understand, but now she understood.

"_Follow me into the darkness,__ Seras. No time to be a coward," _he had told her and she thought she had understood. Now she realized that she hadn't. But, this was her chance to do so.

"Yes, sir… My Master. Alucard."

Her tears finally stopped, she rose to her toes and opened her mouth. Her canine teeth becoming fangs, she blushed fiercely as her lips met his pale, smooth skin. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit down, trying to ignore the sound he made as her fangs pierced him. Blood flowed into her mouth and it burned her like acid. Finally, he raised his right hand and caressed her short, spiky blond head.

"Seras. Seras Victoria."

* * *

**THE END**

**Author's note**: I hope this cleared up some things about the ending of Hellsing regarding Alucard. Not only he didn't die, but he's now able to sustain himself by simply recognizing his own memories, the lucky bastard. No need for souls anymore. Jipie! Also, a note on Integra's age: in Master of Monsters, she was 12. 10 years later, when Alucard turned Seras, she was 22 and the year was 1997. The war took place during 2000, which makes her 25 that time. In the last chapter of the manga, it was 2030, so she was 55 years old. Here, the stroke took place in 2057, which makes her 83 years old. She dies in 2067 at the age of 93. You cannot complain, I gave her a **long** life!

And I'm back writing again! W00t!

Greece out!


End file.
